The Positive vs. the Negative

As we confront the everyday struggles of raising a family we must do our best to focus on the positive attributes of our family members.  We can all agree that there are many areas of our personal lives that need to be addressed, however when we tend to focus our thoughts and energy on these negative areas they tend to grow in size rather than diminish.  I believe that we should focus on the qualities that are good and take that energy to help grow these areas.  As we do this the other areas will disappear altogether and become less of a stressor in the family arena. How many times have we said I am not going to be like a certain family member only to find ourselves mimicking the same behaviors?  This is because our mind subconsciously figures out how to achieve that which we dwell on the most. Try to focus on the attributes that are best suited to your family’s goals and nurture these to become the dominant.  The less desirable traits will lose energy and the focus of the individual who possesses them will be replaced by the more productive trait.  If you continue to do this practice for a long enough period, this trait will become the habit.

This is a more proactive move and will bring about the desired results without the stress so many families have come to accept as the norm.  Learn to be less negative in your mentoring.  As parents we train our children by example more than by words.  Help them to develop proper attitudes by demonstrating how to deal with the frustration in a positive non-defeated way.  Do not allow yourself to be over taken emotionally by a situation that is not letting you move in the direction you want to go.  Simply redirect the negative to the positive and turn failure into victory. In every difficulty there is an equal course of action that will propel you even faster in the direction you do want to go. 

Today I spoke with a former teen that I worked with for about a year.  After this young man returned home, problems were addressed with the focus on the negative.  The problems grew to a grand scale of crisis and stress which was tearing the family apart.  Negativity was at the forefront.  As a result, fear along with a “can’t do” attitude won out.  After several months this young man moved out.  He is now developing a plan and surrounding himself with a positive mental attitude.  He is getting back on track and progressing well.

In contrast to the above mentioned situation here is an example of a positive approach.

A family I am working with called to let me know that their son had just received a speeding ticket.  This young man is 18 and a junior in college.  Now they can go ballistic and say,  ”No more driving you are not responsible enough to drive.”  They can beat him down and get stressed out over this one thing causing a chain reaction of negativity.  They could also say, “You know, you are really working hard and this was not your greatest moment, but what can we do differently so as to not jeopardize your ability to have driving privileges?” They have taken the latter of the two and pursued a more positive approach to the problem.  The son was remorseful and not defensive because positivity attracts production while its brother negativity repels it.  He even offered to help earn extra money to cover his mistake!  No stress, no 911, no arguing just productive communication that lead to a desirable result.

This young man in a matter of one year went from being a self-centered individual heading for jail, to an active member of his family.  He developed a plan and started to shape his thoughts around that plan. Instead of fighting his loved ones he began to be positive in his thoughts and actions, as a result the family offered to pay for his college and gave him an allowance to cover his basic needs.  With a full schedule he works to earn money to help where he can.  This was not asked of him, he simply does it because it is a positive thing.  Because positivity has replaced negativity the old ways are gone and have been replaced with a new way of living. This new way is healthier! It enables everyone involved to be strong and encouraged! Fear has been replaced with hope and a sense of purpose. This young man has gone from being angry to being content.  That is the power of positive thoughts. A positive attitude will always give way to an “I can mentality”;  where  a negative attitude will always lead to an “I can’t mentality”.